he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
