I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
