i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
