I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
