May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
