It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
