no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
