She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
