Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
True college students do jello shots in the library
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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