i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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