i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
