he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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