Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
