You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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