Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Randomize
