am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
there is glitter all over my balls
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