Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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