Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
