i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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