do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
