Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
