we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
