dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize