i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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