so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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