everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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