I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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