So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
