Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
