Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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