ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
