So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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