Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
