I wish I could teleport
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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