Can i not drive my cunt home
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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