Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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