that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There r osticjed everywhere
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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