whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
so much tequila, so little girl.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
