I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
