you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
