Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
