absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You ruined the universe
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
