you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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