He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
