I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
