I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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