I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
