I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
