I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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