I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
