I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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