The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
