theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
