apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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