so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
