just come out here and I will go home with you...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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