ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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