The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I think your dad took our porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize