just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
