her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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