Got a toothbrush?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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