I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
