Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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