i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
