By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
