do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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