i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
