Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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