Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
