Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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