god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
