you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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