I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
