You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
