What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
