shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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