I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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