Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
