i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
