you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
