he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
No I am not eating basil off your cock
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
