and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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