My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
