so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
