During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
