O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
