I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
