shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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