so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
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Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
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We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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