wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
